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The Apprentice: looking at circumstance & outcomes.
I’ve got a series of thoughts on the Apprentice that discuss a (emotional) reaction to my fellow contestants. I won’t write about any of that stuff for at least a year. Until then it’s tainted by being too close to the event, and so it lacks credibility. But one of the questions I’ve gotten the most frequently are around blame, regret, and how I view the experience/outcome. That I will write about. So here goes:
There’s that saying. You know the one about “making your bed, and then laying in it.” Basically: tough crap– you did this to yourself. I’ve always found that empty and woefully inadequate. I’ve created (or think I’ve created) a better analogy (by complicating a simple one), one that describes most situations in my life and I think, The Apprentice, as well.
Life is about digging your grave. And I mean that both in the broadest as well as the most specific ways possible.
In the broadest way, we dig our grave every day– in how we live. Since each day we get closer to our eventual end, we need to make sure that we’re doing what we’re happiest about, and so when we’re laid to rest we’re satisfied with everything that we did and didn’t do. The grave in this case is the life we’ve created (that we “dig” every day.)
In the specific sense, and how I view The Apprentice, life is all about our failures as much as it is our successes. And in this case, each failure is when we look up and realize we’re in our grave (even if but for a brief period). Now the details of being in that grave vary substantially. Here circumstance plays a great, big role: was the ground we were digging in hard or soft? Were we digging up a concrete foundation or soft recently tilled dirt? Have we been given a shovel or are we digging with our hands? Are we digging in the right spot? This is circumstance. Often it’s a crap-shoot. Either way, I believe in everything that we do in life we make a lot of mistakes. Constantly. Some are big. Some are small. How consequential they are is impacted by things like: us misreading a situation, or something we don’t control, say someone’s mood. But these mistakes are all pails of dirt (or concrete) that are being slowly removed. So for every mistake (big or small) that’s one act of digging (by hand, by shovel, on soft ground or hard ground, it matters not– that’s one “dig.”)
When we look up and find ourselves in the grave (our outcome), we have a couple of choices.
One, we can look back and complain about all of the things that worked against us: the fact that we unluckily were digging in the wrong spot– the ground was so soft! The fact that we had a shovel which meant that we were digging big heaps while the person who was digging by hand allowed them far more mistakes. The fact that someone pushed us into the grave, whereas someone else had a rope and they were able to be pulled out even after they fell in due to their own stupidity. But, to me, all of these that matters not. Because this is the random impact of circumstance.
I choose instead to look at intent and action. What were all of the big (and little) mistakes that I made, and how did each lead to me ending up in the hole (grave.) That’s it. I look at the mistakes and then look at my intention. Was it the right intention– did I mean well, and was it smart based on the information that I had? If it was, I do my best not too beat myself up. Did I execute my decision well? If yes, I leave it alone. If no, I try and learn from it and think about how I could do better. And overall, I try and see what other situations these individual mistakes could arise in again. Then I try to bang it into my thick skull that I should remember this for next time.
I do my best to ignore the fact that I ended up in the hole (grave) itself (that I failed). That happens. And it’s impacted by so much: the ground, the tools I had (or didn’t), the directions I was given, whether someone pushed me in, etc. That’s the impact of circumstance (luck) and it likely could have broken in the exact opposite direction without the universe even hiccupping. So I try and leave that be. I don’t focus on the outcome that everyone else sees, in this case: not winning the Apprentice. It’s a multi-variable equation, and so I leave it alone. “Winners win, losers lose” is a mentality I have completely abandoned in the old age of 25.
I do think about the individual mistakes. And in the case of The Apprentice, I clearly made them. I don’t consider myself a victim of circumstance. But that’s because, I don’t believe such a thing exists. Or I do believe that it exists in so much as we are all massive victims of circumstance. None of our successes or failures are entirely are own. Luck. Where we’re born in life, what we had for lunch, a butterfly in the Pacific Ocean changing its course– they all dramatically alter what happens to us. So I think that cancels out. And that leaves us is with what we do. And what we learn from it.
That’s how I look at it. I wanted this post to be more than about my individual mistakes on a TV show. Because, really, how interesting is that? They weren’t business mistakes, they were game show strategy mistakes (but applicable to life in general)– and that to me isn’t worth dwelling on. I did find that how I dealt with the experience (both positive and negative) was much like how I handle other joys and sadness in my life, so there you have this entry.
11 comments to The Apprentice: looking at circumstance & outcomes.
— 04/02/07 at 9:12 pm
that is a good way of looking at. in any case, i enjoyed the episodes where you were project manager. good luck in everything else.
— 04/02/07 at 11:41 pm
It’s great that you got national exposure on tv, but seriously, did you really want to work for Trump? You’re probably better where you’re at now.
— 04/03/07 at 1:00 am
Hi Brother
I am Ramana from India. Hope the Apprentice show you were in was recorded. If so, please courier it across. All the web sites, articles say you did great. You were featured in The Hindu, a national news daily of high reputation along with Sanjaya Malakkar on 31st March. The article has highly positive things said about you. The photo copy of the article is posted to all our other well wishers. I have mailed the scan copy to Tirumala, Jag.
Bye
— 04/03/07 at 10:18 am
Surya,
Definitely an interesting perspective, and a useful rule of thumb to use when learning from one’s experiences–I’ve got a couple of cents to add, if you don’t mind.
I’ve been reading Gareth Morgan’s “Images of Organizations” for a class in organizational dynamics, and there’s a very wisely written chapter in the book where he talks about the pluses and minuses of metaphors– metaphors are highly useful for being able to find patterns in a sea of events, and can be very helpful at helping one gain insight into needed areas of growth. On the other hand, metaphors are limited by design– when viewing life through one particular lens, one can miss important information that the lens has filtered out.
It’s clear that you learned valuable lessons from your Apprentice experience, and in revisiting the successes and mistakes for our benefit (and thanks for that!!) and your own education. It also makes sense to view the whole experience in a linear way, especially since we all saw the episodes rolled out in serial fashion, and there was a discrete beginning, middle, and end. On the other hand, how much of life can be understood when viewed in a linear fashion? If you look at The Apprentice as a series, there were so many different personalities, random logistical factors, competing and parallel goals, and myriad shifting roles and external forces operating on each group that it might take years to get to the bottom of what actually happened!
I guess what I’m suggesting here is that the ‘process of questioning the process’ might be the most important part of the equation– and it makes sense to explore not only what you did, but how you dealt with it.
Thanks for the blog entry!
— 04/03/07 at 12:42 pm
I agree with “R” above. Mr. Trump is a great businessman, but he should have recognized what a great talent you are and what an asset you’d be to his organization. I lost a lot of respect for him after you were fired. Regardless of how the show was edited, any idiot could figure out that you were more dedicated to getting that job than a lot of the other contestants. You might not have won the game show, but judging from this posting you’ve obviously learned a lot from it and you’re better off. Good luck with everything!
— 04/03/07 at 1:15 pm
You lost, but I still think you came out a winner. You got national exposure, and you may get an offer or two out of it. I’ll admit that I’d probably get a little annoyed if I were working with you, but that’s because we have two different styles–you’re all business, while I’m an academic. I think that’s the exact same thing that happened with Team Arrow. Your styles were different, and no one really knew how to deal with it. Yet, your presence did help the team restructure. I haven’t decided whether that’s good or bad, but maybe your presence was the needed shot in the arm. It’s hard to believe you’re only two years my senior, yet you’re accomplishing so much. It makes me wonder how being in graduate school will affect me in the long run.
Speaking of Arrow, Tim could really use your “lie in the bed you made” advice, but I’m sure everyone else has gotten into that.
— 04/03/07 at 2:08 pm
Surya,
you gave us your method of analysis in looking back at this experience in retrospect. What conclusions did you come to about the apprentice. I am interested in knowing the results of your self-audit. Where do you feel you made mistakes? What will you take from it as you move forward? You’re a process-oriented guy I gather, I’m sure you’ve analyzed this from many different angles. I think your methodology is right, though I must say, I was a bit confused with all the grave digging analogies. Certainly you must look at your own hand in creating the situation rather than seeing yourself as a victim of circumstance. So what conclusions did you come to?
— 04/08/07 at 10:21 pm
Even though the tv show says you lost, you turned a dying team around and helped them to win - some of which are still in the running. And it is better to try and experience things in life than to just sit on the sideline wishing one tried and experienced life!
— 04/09/07 at 9:18 am
Surya,
I think we may have read the same literature. Your writing brings to mind Game Theory, Six Degrees, Eastern Philosophy, and a certain level of contentment that is only possible through meditation, good reading, and good company.
Trump wouldn’t be able to work with someone as smart as you – he actually needs followers, not leaders. I think your deepness may intimidate some, so be careful when expressing your self. This was most evident when your teams reacted negatively to your methodologies; instead of saying they weren’t up to your level (or needed you to simplify things), their egos kicked in and said that it was you, in fact, who was out of touch – classical.
— 04/09/07 at 1:10 pm
Surya, What if by being on the apprentice, you became known to someone that you would not otherwise have come in contact with, and that your integrity and ideas influenced them in a positive way - to go on and do other things that influenced more people?
Don’t spend a minute analyzing ‘mistakes’ you think you may have made on the show. Look beyond the show - way beyond the show, and you will realize that there was a reason for you to be there that Mr. Trump and many other people do not know.
That ‘butterfly’ effect is more powerful than we think. Everyday we influence people and do not even realize it.
That is ‘reality’ - not some television show that purports to be ‘reality.
I for one want to thank you for being one of the people that opened my eyes a little wider and made me realize what I could and should do.
I have not had to snap the band so far, but I do pull on it once in a while
— 04/09/07 at 3:03 pm
think the saying has been said already, the whole life is about preperation for death. No new saying there mate.
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