There’s a feeling that’s so powerful, you don’t know what to do with. It takes but a second to strike, but once it does, it lingers for hours. I speak of ‘the gap’.

You’re having a conversation or are out with people. Things are normal…you’re engaged and life is great. You’re not really even thinking. You’re in the moment. And then someone will say or do something and this giant, massive void opens up between you. It could be an off-hand comment, or a (well-intentioned) joke. But once spoken, you realize how different you are. You wonder if you’re at all similar to this person/group. You wonder why you even hang out with them in the first place. And all of those other thoughts. Or, on a more insecure day, you wonder about yourself. You wonder if they view you differently. If you’ll ever truly fit in. And all of those other thoughts.

I assume it happens the most to people in minority situations. I don’t just mean that in the sense that those who are ethnic minorities, but a republican in a democratic office, or a woman among men, etc.

But once that huge, gaping void opens up, there’s no turning back. And it’s one of those things I’ve felt at various times in my life for various reasons be it, politics, philosophy, a view on something like inner cities, etc– and each time I’m struck by what a completely intense, overpowering, and lonely feeling it is.

(this hasn’t happened in the past few weeks to me, but was instead a stored entry in my head)